Jurassic World (2015)

This movie is terrible.

In a way, its fate is rooted in stone from the very beginning, and everyone has no choice but to maintain the awfulness throughout for a consistent, holistic discourse of trash.

The film opens with brothers Zach and Gray embarking on what their mother calls a “family trip” (minus the parents) to Jurassic World, where their aunt Claire works. Zach is a grumpy disinterested teen with headphones in his ears, and Gray is an obnoxious preteen with a fanny pack… nerd alert!

It’s been a few years since Claire has last seen her nephews, a disconnect Zach apparently resents. (How often do you get to see your aunt living in Central America?) She doesn’t even remember how old her nephews are!

Claire is also the Operations Manager of Jurassic World so her responsibilities include selling exhibits to corporate sponsors, riding in helicopters with the owner of Jurassic World, and dating her co-workers, including Owen.

Owen is a Navy vet who picked up Velociraptor training in civilian life, becoming their alpha and earning their trust. He is also the only one on the island who understands dinosaurs at all, apparently, so any & all facts and revelations throughout the film will be heard whispered from his lips.

Anyway – in the dinosaur theme park business, guests are growing tired of regular dinosaurs, so Jurassic World builds a genetic hybrid known as Indominus Rex – even bigger than a T-Rex. The Indominus turns out to be much more powerful and intelligent than they’d expected, however, and eventually it breaks free and Jurassic World pivots from sequel to remake.

The Indominus goes on a rampage, killing dinosaurs for sport and inadvertently releasing Pterosaurs, flying dinosaurs, who swarm the island. For most of the film I had been rolling my eyes, but I couldn’t contain my laughter at the sheer tacky thrills of CGI dinosaurs swiping at park guests, The Birds-style, as a frantic Claire stands on top of a cafeteria table calling for her nephews. The stars really have to align to make movie moments like that.

As bad as Jurassic World mostly is, I did sincerely enjoy the footage of Jurassic World as a theme park. The park’s exhibits, petting zoos, rides, and especially the Mosasaurus water show fulfill the fantasy created by the original Jurassic Park as a real, operating place you can visit.

The plot is incredibly silly and the characters are wholly unmemorable, but Jurassic World can be worthwhile for the theme park buff and even fans of the original — just turn it off after 45 minutes. Otherwise, my advice is:

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